Mrs Benn

In September, the weather was unseasonably warm and I found myself in town wearing a favourite sundress and feeling rather hot at a time when the weather should be cooling down. I took the bus home; it was packed with people and I was conscious of being a very tall t-girl amidst a crowd of close-packed “normal” folks, including a friend of my wife’s. I have no idea whether she clocked me; but by mind was whirring because she was sat just a few feet away and looking straight at me. As the bus pulled into a stop, a lady a few years older than me wormed her way to the front of the bus and as she passed me, she paused, grabbed my arm and said “I just want to say…I think you look beautiful”. I was somewhat taken aback. “Thank you” I said, beaming at her and at the lady sat across the bus from me, who laughed.

I don’t think I’m beautiful (and I’m not fishing for complements so please don’t feel I’m encouraging you to respond!). But that’s not really the point of the story. Here was somebody at least as old as me, who undoubtedly recognised a t-girl as just that, and who felt the need to offer affirmation and acceptance. It is dangerous to read too much into first impressions, but – with that caveat having been made – this lady didn’t give me the impression that she was a campaigner for woke causes. This was an ordinary woman, recognising an honest transgendered homage to femininity, and reaching out with the hand of friendship. I found it truly touching.

In my travels out and about, I am under no illusions about whether I “pass” or not – I don’t. Women are uniformly accepting, sometimes intrigued, and occasionally make quite a fuss of me. Let’s be direct: I think that this outpouring of good-will and acceptance is precisely because they know I’m a bloke in a dress. What is touching and extraordinary is the extent to which so many women evidently enjoy my efforts to be “one of the girls”. It is a reminder to activists who are determined that society must accept we are “real” women that there is much to be lost if we demand that society engages in an absolutism about gender, a subject that is fraught with complexity.